


Need, Want, Love

by winglxss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s13e14 Good Intentions, M/M, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winglxss/pseuds/winglxss
Summary: Castiel wonders why he was brought back and what Dean means when he says "we need you".





	Need, Want, Love

“We need you.”

The words rattle around Castiel’s head relentlessly. He thinks about them in every silent moment, dissects each word and it’s individual meaning. Regardless of the time spent trying to discern their meaning, he is no closer to an answer. 

_ Who is ‘we’? Do ‘they’ need me for a mission? Or for something different? Because I am considered family? Am I the one who is needed, or is it my powers?  _

These thoughts consume him when he volunteers to take on Gog and Magog. They are relentless while Dean drives. Even when they are talking, or singing along to the music, Castiel wonders why he was brought back. He steals a glance at Dean, smiling through the words he sings, and almost lets himself hope that this beautiful man might have a small hand in his resurrection.

His thoughts only stop when Dean parks the impala, announcing “we’re here”. They leave behind an emptiness that Cas knows he needs to fill before he fights, but for now, he takes what he can get. Luckily, the emptiness is filled the second he and Dean reach the clearing, blades in hand. He is ready for war by the time the last note of Enochian leaves his lips and the brothers emerge behind him. He feels entirely himself again when he dodges the first swing of a blade.

Fighting back to back with Dean feels… right. They clicked. After years of monsters, angels, demons, Dean Winchester and Castiel were in sync. 

Unfortunately, that was the most of a reprise the two found in the coming hours.

After Cas rips the memories from Donatello, and Sam and Dean take him to a local hospital, he finds himself wondering once again what his purpose is. 

_ I hurt people,  _ he thinks ruefully.  _ What about that could possibly be of use? Dea- The Winchesters say they need me but why? They are the superior hunters… I suppose my angelic grace could be useful but they refuse to let me heal them and my grace can be fickle. Why- _

The return of the brothers interrupts his thought process, probably for the best. The following conversation is difficult, Sam and Dean looking at him with emotions he would rather not consider. When he tells the brothers his actions were that of a soldier, he feels his innards clench. He hasn’t been “a hammer” in so long and he does not want to return to that way of life. 

His thoughts are getting loud and fast again, so he leaves the war room and exists the bunker. He doesn’t go far, just to a small clearing just up the short road, where the stars above are the brightest. He stares at them, remembering his creation, his Father, his grace. This usually allows him the space he needs to calm down, to distract himself. However, tonight, it doesn’t work and Castiel feels himself sinking deeper into his thoughts. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been there when he feels Jack approaching. He feels his presence, chaotic but somehow calm, before he sees or hears him. They sit together in silence, looking upwards. Eventually, Cas speaks.

“Why did you resurrect me, Jack?”

“I… I’m not entirely sure,” Jack says hesitantly. “In the moment, I remember being… scared. I felt I had no one other than Sam, but even Sam seemed mad at me. And Dean was yelling about not trusting me because I got you killed, and he just  _ hurt  _ so much-”

“Wait, wait, what,” Castiel questions, heart hammering. 

“Well, I can feel strong emotions emanating off people in my proximity,” Jack explains. “For example, right now, you’re frightened yet hopeful!” 

Even now, Cas has to admire Jack’s naivety. His brief time on Earth and with Sam and Dean, even after his mistakes and the things he was told, has molded him into exactly who Kelly saw; a kind-hearted soul. It’s what keeps Castiel tethered to reality.

“You’re confused.” Jack’s voice cuts through his thoughts. “I assume you know how angelic powers work.”

“Yes, I do,” Cas confirms. He hesitates for a moment before turning more fully towards Jack. “Jack, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course,”

“Why was Dean in pain?”

“Because he loves you,” Jack states casually. “He says you’re his brother, like Sam, but he feels so differently about you.” Jack says this all as if it isn’t taking Castiel’s world and pulling it’s innards out. 

He can’t breathe. He can’t think, his blood is roaring in his ears, and he is painfully aware of his heart beating. It’s in this state that he knows, with complete clarity, what he has to do.

Castiel abruptly stands and takes long strides into the bunker, leaving Jack alone outdoors with the stars. 

His coat billows behind him as his feet clank down the metal stairs. He passes swiftly through the bunker’s winding corridors and endless rooms, only stopping when he reaches his destination.

He pounds his fist on the door before flinging it open. 

“Cas,” Dean says, standing from his bed. “What are you-”

Castiel puts one hand on Dean’s hip, the other around his shoulder, and pushes until Dean’s back hits the wall. He follows through, sealing his lips roughly over Dean’s.

Dean makes a noise in the back of his throat and balls his fists in the back of Castiel’s coat but doesn’t respond so he pulls back. Dean’s eyes are wide, his lips pinker than usual, and a blush is high on his cheeks. Cas realizes he still hasn’t let go of his coat and their bodies are flush. He finds this reassuring even as he doubts his actions.

“Dean,” he questions slowly. “Are you okay?”

Dean doesn’t answer. Instead, he lets his gaze drop to Cas’s lips before pulling him back in. 

Admittedly, Cas didn’t have much of a plan past “kiss Dean”. He never accounted for how desperate he seemed to be, or how to react when Dean pushed his tongue into his mouth (a bizarre and overall unpleasant, but not intolerable, sensation). There was no “how to” manual guiding his actions when Dean began pushing off the wall, when his hands slid under his jackets. And he didn’t know what to do when those jackets hit the floor.

At the heavy sound of clothing on the floor, Cas slowed down. He made the kisses deeper and longer. He ran his hands over Dean’s body and kissed his face and neck gently, letting Dean’s litany of praise wash over his ears.

“Fuck, Cas. Fuck, wanted this for years, wanted  _ you  _ for years, dammit,” Dean babbled almost incoherently but Castiel didn’t miss his words; Dean wanted him. Dean  _ said  _ he wanted him. It makes his heart jump to his throat and he leans his head against Dean’s jaw, breathing out against the reddened skin he had been working at Dean’s pulse point. He feels tears gathering behind his eyes at the sheer emotion inside him.

“You dumbass,” Cas mumbles. “I’ve wanted you since I fell, since I knew what it meant to want.”

Dean chuckles. “Guess we’re both a couple o’ dumbasses then?”

Castiel can’t help the smile on his face as he raises his head, remembering when Dean said those same words years ago. 

The confession is past his lips before he realizes he even thought it.

“I love you, Dean.”

Dean pauses before his facial features relax and he nods. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“I love you too, angel.”

_ Love. _

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because Dean saying "we need you" when he means "I love you" is getting absurd and someone [glares at Bob Singer] won't let him just fucking say it.
> 
> I'm @asexualcas on Tumblr. Come say hi!


End file.
